
Recently I had a chat with my husband about this bandied-about phrase “fear of success”. He commented that the concept isn’t plausible…to him. He couldn’t conceive of a time where he was afraid of succeeding. The phrase “fear of failure” makes much more sense to him.
So I began pondering this idea. Is “fear of success” just a cute way to say fear of failure? Or is there something to this idea?
I thought about myself. I work my tail off in my two businesses. I am an actor (voice over, film, theatre, etc.) and a fitness coach. Am I afraid of success?
Immediately I said, “No! Of course not! I am striving for success! It’s what I want!”
But..
I then realized that in many of my endeavors I seem to get really close and find myself afraid to push to the end.
Case in point: my weight.
It’s been a struggle for me for years. I’ll say that in some cases I thought I was eating healthy. I thought I was exercising enough. I thought I was following a good game plan. I thought I just had genetics working against me.
When I realized I was wrong about ALL of the above, I did try and do something about it. I ate differently. I read about what to eat and why. I researched what I was eating and why I was spinning my wheels, or even HURTING myself with the foods I was consuming. OK.
Then I got busy exercising. Harder than I ever thought I’d have to and harder than I thought I’d want to or even like to.
Things changed! I got healthier, stronger, thinner! YAY!
BUT…I still haven’t reached that goal weight. That goal size. That goal where a producer doesn’t look at me and think, “she’s not fat but she’s camera fat”.
I don’t want to be “TV fat” (which is NOT FAT AT ALL but it’s also not super thin). I mean, I have a healthy weight for my height in mind. I’ve gotten really close to it. 5 pounds away from it, but then those 5 become 10 and then I play the fluctuation game. Up 2 pounds. Down 3. Up 4, down 2. UGH!
So, even with switching up workouts and logging my food and doing really well considering where I was two years ago, I’ve still missed that elusive “goal weight”. That number in my head. And I cannot break that 5 pound mark.
WHY?!?!
So I figured it out. There are three possible outcomes:
1. I HIT that goal weight. And I gain weight back, thus: FAILURE.
2. I DON’T hit the goal weight and, thus: FAILURE.
3. I HIT that goal weight. And I maintain it! Sweet SUCCESS!
Right now, the odds are against me! 2 to 1! So if I’m “smart” I’m following the higher probability that I will lose this endeavor and, therefore, why even fight to get there? Why work so hard just to fail?
And that’s when I realized my thinking was out of whack.
Let’s go back to my premise:
1. I HIT that goal weight. And I gain weight back, thus: FAILURE.
2. I DON’T hit the goal weight and, thus: FAILURE.
3. I HIT that goal weight. And I maintain it! Sweet SUCCESS!
Why is this the whole story?
Why isn’t the story something like this:
1. I HIT that goal weight. And I gain weight back, thus: FAILURE. …Until I change my measure of success from a number on the scale to how I look and feel and I recommit myself to getting to that, instead, and am able to maintain that look (remember the producer and the camera, it’s about the look, not the number) so I’ve actually reached SUCCESS!
2. I DON’T hit the goal weight and, thus: FAILURE.
…Until I change my measure of success from a number on the scale to how I look and feel and I recommit myself to getting to that, instead, and am able to maintain that look (remember the producer and the camera, it’s about the look, not the number) so I’ve actually reached SUCCESS!
3. I HIT that goal weight. And I maintain it! Sweet SUCCESS!
Sure, that seems like Pollyanna just came back and showered me with glitter or something but, honestly, the original version (just like this one) is totally how I decide to look at things.
If I decide to see the odds in my favor I will see success. Or the potential of success. If I decide to see the odds against me I will see failure. Or the potential of failure.
Which one is more fun to go after?
So, yeah. I believe there is such a fear of success. However, I do believe it does comes out of a fear of failure (I don’t think you can have one without the other). But I’m pretty sure the fear really comes from having to maintain success rather than worrying about failure once achieving it.
I’ve spent time re-evaluating those things I’ve come close to succeeding in but haven’t succeeded in, yet.
Could I be doing something else to get me there?
Do I know what that is?
Am I failing to do it?
If I am is it because I’m afraid of not being able to maintain the success?
Am I worried I’ll have to be even better on the next project/show/film?
Maybe.
Probably.
So, where do I go from here?
I keep writing my goals. I keep looking at them. I keep reading more. I keep focusing on what I want and taking action steps (exercise, eat right, mail my headshots, mail my postcards, etc.) to get there. Otherwise, I’m living in fear.

And that place is no fun.
What are your “fears of success”? Share your voice. Leave a comment!